Onions: Cry me a river

I love onions, but I hate the tears that I usually am reduced to when cutting them. I've tried most every tip I've read. I've breathed through my mouth, kept a slice of bread under my tongue as I cut, refrigerated the onions before slicing, made sure my knives were extremely sharp, even worn goggles. Nothing works completely for me. But since many dishes would be lacking life without the allium, dice I must.

I like this video of how to chop onions and shallots; it's a technique that has worked well for me. But as hard as I try, still I cry.